Lets talk about sex baby...

         So many people in this world believe that relationships are based on sex. If they have great sex with their partner then the marriage WILL last. That is just simply not true. Sorry to burst your bubble or crush your dreams guys. With that being said... let's talk about sex!

        Today I wanted to discuss Laura Brotherson's article about healthy vs non healthy sexuality in marriages and add my input on each of her characteristics she discusses. The first one she discusses is being comfortable and accepting your body vs being uncomfortable in your body. Something that is so important in your sexual life is being comfortable with yourself and how imperfect your body is. How are you going to be able to have a good time if you are uncomfortable. This is for sure a bigger issue with the woman but I have definitely seen it the other way too where men can also be a bit uncomfy showing their bodies to their wives. It's all about being able to let go for the time being and enjoy that intimacy with your partner. Another sad part of this characteristic could be either the husband or wife (more likely the husband) being unsatisfied with their spouses body because it doesn't life up to what media shows. This is a sad reality that needs to be changed. Love your spouse for who they are!

        The next thing she discusses is the need for physical touch for the sake of the marriage alone rather than solely for sex. She explains as well as I have seen instances in my own life where just because someone kisses the other or something like that the other assumes that it is because they want sex so that is what ends up happening. And so in result, the other will eventually stop touching their spouse all together because they know it will lead to sex in the end and they don't want that to happen. This is where good communication needs to happen. If one simply stops touching the other, they might think they don't love them anymore or are no longer attracted to them but they'll never know it's only because they don't want sex all the time. And that is where problems will start to arise. Without that open communication of the problem couples will just assume the worst. 

        Agency in marriage in terms of sex allows for both spouses to be able to be heard equally in the bedroom. This is extremely important in relationships. For both partners to get what they want and be able to express their needs. Without this, one partner may dominant the relationship. Meaning they always just do what one wants and for the other it simply just turns into what's called "duty sex." Where they really aren't enjoying it or may not even want it but they do it out of feeling like it is their duty to please the other. If not taken care of carefully being entitled to sex can very quickly lead to coercion sex or nonconsensual sexual activities which is dangerous. 

        The last characteristic I want to discuss out of the 10 points Laura talked about is Connection based sex vs. performance based sex. Sex is not all about just making sure both spouses orgasm or are physically satisfied. Having a healthy sex life with your spouse is also about deepening your interpersonal connection with them as well. Simply worrying about your performances and making sure the other is satisfied can lead to performance anxiety and then it's just not good period lol. But having more of a focus on loving the other person and deepening that personal, emotional connection to them will lead to a more satisfactory time and enjoying that intimacy a whole lot more.